The Big C

"The Big C" bit

So I had to go to Costco yesterday, or as I like to call it The Big C, now I know some of you know why everyone should call it The Big C, but if you still call it Costco you won't after tonight….because there is one thing, one reason we are all members to Costco….no it not the tasty little treats…which those are good…those are good when they go into my belly and they provide valuable nurturance to allow me to keep shopping…however I digress…the one reason we all are members of The Big C…each and everyone of us…is the big box of condoms…The Big C…truly there is nothing I like more then to be able to grab a rack of lamb, a new vacuum cleaner, and the big box of condoms…

You know they just sit there on those beautiful racks….long horizontal rusty orange steel bars with those never ending vertical poles which are more like pillars from heaven cascade a beautiful glow down onto the big C boxes, (Uhhhhhh, MAGNUMMSSSSS). Seriously there is nothing better then wondering on up grabbing the Big C and throwing it into your cart and maybe just maybe you just had a super nutritious, low fat energy snack along the way.…the thing that us men love most about rack setup (redoing physical rack lines) is the move we all do when we grab the big box of condoms…and its right here…. "getting laid", "getting laid" we all do it…yes you sir I know you do it…it what's goes through out head every single time "getting laid"….

No I have to you about my experience yesterday….I couldn't find the big C….and you say what no…that impossible its always right there….and mean we all know where right there means….its right there…next to the you know what and the other thing!!!! I KNOW I LOOKED THERE….but the big box of condoms wasn't there! So what do I do I go into Super Hunter Gather Mode….(pantomime pulling out a spear and peering around a corner and then seeing my prey and then throwing my spear) O sorry mam, I mistaken your son for a wild boar…I'm sorry…would you like a nutritional snack…I grabbed two….(Which you should never do by the way!!!)

Ok, so I'm now going down each row carefully looking and I think to myself well maybe they need more shelf space for shampoo…but you know they didn't….there is no way shampoo is more important then the big condom box for god sakes that's why we call it The Big C. So I'm looking at the Mack 3 razors, I'm even looking at the new Fusion shit…but I'm scanning with my eyes to try and see if I could have missed the Big C somehow…but it would make sense to have the big c next to the razors…..YOU WOULD THINK SO….

But no, so now I take a turn and where am I, o you know where I am, I'm now in female high gene products and I don't want to be in female high gene products but I need the Big C…now some of you are saying to yourself…just give up…maybe they ran out….come back tomorrow. Which I will say is an option under normal circumstances….but these were not normal circumstances because what you don't know is my roommate doesn't have The Big C membership…but he like all of us loves the big box of condoms….now he doesn't know the true love like you and I do…. "getting laid" but he still enjoys the value…and he asked me to pick up a box for him….if he had not done this I probably would have taken the option of giving up…because then I would have only been letting myself, my boyfriend, girlfriend and whore down…but I could also let down my room mate.

So now I did what no man, wait no person should ever have to-do…I left my cart to search…and right about then is when I started to get that feeling, you know that feeling when people are noticing you…there like…

"hey guys everyone, come check this out…no shisss, quite….this guy you see this guy….he cant find the Big C…no I'm serious….no I've seen him go through the female high gene twice….hey you…I don't even know you come here….you have to see this….let watch him…this is going to be hilarious"

And you can feel them just all on your shoulders…and so then when I had almost given up all hope and I'm masturbating with a box of fusion razors (fuck I cut myself again) I spot it…..out of my prorifreal vision I see them…. "Uhhhhhhh"

I kid you not, I almost started skipping for joy toward the big c and then it hit me….the Big C is now behind the pharmacy….behind the counter….you know what that means….that means Costco…yes I said Costco…because fuck them they don't deserve to be call the big C unless C is going to stand for Cunt….

Anyways I digress….what this means is Costco was losing so much money by people "stealing" condoms…that Costco took away from all of us….especially you sir…because you look like someone who has lots of gay Alan sex…just hot man on man action….i think that's wrong….that you as the bottom should have to buy the condoms.

So I did that math to see how much Costco was loosing on The Big C….a condom at retail price is .40 cents..40 CENTS….FUCK THEM….they took away from all of us…. "getting laid" for 40 fucking cents….FUCK YOU BIG C I HOPE WAL-MART DRIVES YOU OUT OF BUSINESS AND RAPES YOUR CHILDREN.

O sorry I digress again…ok where was I oh yesss…..So I have located The Big C out of my prorifial vision and it is behind the counter….so now I have to go over and be like…. "excise me penicillin boy, your going have to wait….I need the fucking big C" and the lady come ups…..its always a feel female….I've seen more straight male flight attendants in my life then I have seen males working behind the counter at a pharmacy…. "ah humm…excuse me sir is there anything I can help you with" "

"No mam I don't need anything for the inchness down here" all I needs is condoms

Oh you need condoms..

Yes two boxes

Taaa aaaa taaa taa too to two ooo two boxes

Taaa taa taa too too t ya yyahh ayyh YES BECAUSE I'M A WHORE…I'M A WHORE……AAAAAAYYYYYYYY