Need to get back to Global Warming.... ITS SNOWING ITS FUCKING SNOWING HERE

Hey Random Army,

We'll its the last day of Feb and as the Farmer almanac predicted its snowing... and yes I live in Seattle. What is really funny is last night I rented "An Inconvenient truth" which is Al Gore movie about global warming... where is it when I need it???

Anyways, some exciting news, I have just started working on a new script/screen play. I don't have to say it but its going to be a comedy. However I have some great ideas for this comedy but first and foremost I want it to be a collective effort.

Each time I complete a scene I will be posting it to the blog and then you guys & girls can have your way with it, point out error, mistakes, things that aren't funny, problems with logic, or re-write it to make it funnier... I am excited to see how good we can make it with us all working together on it!!

Anyways I know there is a lot more to talk about like the fact that I watch "Man of the Year" and oh what a let down... the only thing that saved that movie was Lewis Black... i just don't understand how "The Daily Show" is such a great show and yet any political movie are always so bad!!

We'll I need to get back to the global warming
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Oscars & Super Hero's

Hey Random Army,

So the Oscars "occurred" last night once again the world watched as true pure personal vanity took center stage. However if you have read my blog before you know I don't care about the Oscars and I actually wouldn't have watched except for the fact that Helen was hosting and Will Farell & Jack Black did a song which was really funny which brings me to my first point.... What is up with the Oscars and its anti comedy stance?

If the decision on who is the best actor / actress is who makes you "believe" etc that they are that person/character then why can't that happen in a comedy?

In additional if animated movies have their own category at the Oscars then they need to have some sort of a category for comedy movies.

My second point is I was thinking about the Oscars and I realized that I would much more want to be a Super Hero in a movie then to win an Oscar... seriously if I could be Gambit from the X-Men in a movie, I would gladly give up an Oscar!!! Also all these people won awards costumes, stage etc and X-Men, SpiderMan etc have never been nominated for anything... thats BS if Lord of the Rings wins everything!!!
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Update - broomstick & a rubber glove

Hey Random Army,

Ok so lets talk about yesterday, we'll I had to wake up at 4am... why... you dont care so I'm not going to waste your time with that BullShit!!, but I finally got done with shit at 7pm and headed to a "game night" event at my friend BTM house... yah are all my friends over 30, yes yes they are... when did house parties turn in to game night... after 30 thats when... anyways as you all know nothing stop me from drinking... so I brought over a 5th of Jack and chugged 5 shots down to dry and wake me up and get me in a better mood... it did and it worked... so I drank about 3 or 4 more beers over the next hour to keep the buzz... everyone decided it was time to go home because they all had work tomorrow... so you figure after being up since 4am I would call it a night toooo.... we'll if thats what you thought fuck you.... because you know i'm not that smart

So off I go with my buddy Stubbs... So we hit a local pub and even before we can get a drink our hands a couple of Stubbs buddy's spot us and invite us to drink with them... so were drinking and talking and talking and drinking... so by this time I'm wasted and I hit that point where I just dont give a shit... so what do I do... I start telling joke... jokes that normally make people cringe ... all this shit is original random stuff... its not like i'm sitting there telling the artstocrat joke or anything... but I'm at a table or all guys and at first I can see a couple cringes and a couple time "oh I dont know if I should laugh at that" but I keep going and I turned the whole group and everyone just started laughing, we turned into the loudest group in the bar just from laughter... I made the guy sitting across from me start crying he was laughing so hard....

The fun ended when I had to play wing man for Stubbs as he made a pass at some guys girl friend... it was a pretty easy block move... nothing that creative ... but worked fine.

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Loving Technology

Hey Random Army,

I have had a crazy week already but today is going to be the ... CRAZIEST (if you are reading this that would should sound in your head like Lewis Black screaming ;-)

I wanted to first mention the IT issues, first I got a new ipod which I mentioned in a previous posting. It a nice video ipod... well guess what, none of the videos I have are in the right format... and I have to convert them... but apples conversation software only works on apple matches... so now i'm forced to in shitty download software and its process speed of conversation is real time... REAL TIME... which means, it take a minute to do a minute... so a movie takes 2 hours!!! And you cant preload... one at a time mother fucker

We'll I guess its better then my phone which has Windows ME on it and a 2GB chip, and has videos on it in WMP or WMA form and it can play any videos, I have never gotten one video to work which will play on my computer in WMP but not on my phone in WMP.... YAH MICROSOFT!!!!

So thats basically the rant today... I have a party tonight and then I'm pulling an all nighter writting for a gig on Sunday... I'll be online so hit me up if you see me on MSN, AOL, Second Life, etc
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Dream Job

Hey Random Army,

So I was watching "Heros" last night and for those of you who haven't seen it I'm not going to give it way, but check out who the bus driver is who talks to Hiro, yep you guest it!

God I would give anything to be him, my life is a living legend and producers and director call you up for short cameos...

Oh maybe someday ... I will be worshiped by hundreds of thousands of guys who still live with their parents.
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Random Praise -- Lewis Black

Hey Random Army,

Ok so I know I said I wanted to get a vidcast up with this... but I didn't get to it... sorry I'll just post that later...

But here is the Random Praise... part 1 of a never ending serious!

Dear Lord God, masochistic Savior, anal raper of Buddha, and Gypsy horror of George W. we worship and praise you.

We come before your holiness to grovel at the bastard feet of Jesus for bestowing upon us such blessings.

We come humbly and without virginity to praise and thank you for Blessing Lewis Black with the 2006 Grammy!!

We'll there is the Random Praise for Lewis
Have a great holiday everyone
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Paralyzed by HOPE

Hey Random Army,

hey we'll its Saturday and I've been doing but bunch of this shit and that shit... its been a crazy 24hrs... but let me recap a few of my favorite things...

We'll I cleaned up the kitchen and organized my Jack Daniels bottles... OH that always puts a smile on my face, I just finished off another half gallon and so I clean out the bottle and haven't figured what I'm going to do with it yet...??? Any ideas???

After that stressful "workout" I relaxed by watching the movie "Crank" which I swear is some 13 year old boys wet dream or Grand Theft Auto 3 come to life... interesting movie... shit shit ending...

I might record my vidcast later, I haven't decided...
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Random Army Collective -- New bit started by Michael Somerville

Hey Random Army,

We'll here is a new bit started by Michael Somerville, he posted it in my comment section on my myspace page...

So just to fill you in encase you don't know... the Random Army is a collective of people who help create the funny!!! The highest form of this is when it is done in a "Wiki" style of continual improvement!

So here is the start:

I can tell how much I like a girl based on how much time I spend getting ready to see her. If I shower, I'm into you... but if I just put on more deodorant, we should probably see other people!
Michael

I will add to this with:

I can tell how much I like a girl based what I do right before I meet her... if I text my friends to remind them that I'm out on a date, looks like I'm a sure thing.... If I start playing, Second Life, WOW, the Wii, or check my myspace page... I will have probably have forgotten to add more deodorant and we should defiantly see other people.

So my addition wasn't great but it get you.. the ARMY the idea... LETS SEE EVERYONE BRING ON THE FUNNY!!!!
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OMG I missed a day

Hey Random Army,

So I going to post something last night but then I headed to the bar instead... so that bring up a question... which do I love more... my fans and RAM's or alcohol?

Good question... we'll when it come right down to it... I cant make a decision between my RAM's & Alcohol that like asking Jesus who he loves more God or the Holy Ghost... and because neither of them exist it really doesn't matter now does it...

Anyways... I have some funny shit I will be putting up... one thing which should be up early tomorrow will be the first "Random Praise" which will also become a vidcast episode.. so be looking for that

I just got a new video ipod for V-day so I promise to get more into this whole video thing I promise... I have all the toys so no more excuses!!!
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Random Story from Random Army Member Kari

Hey Random Army,

I found this pretty funny and once I had the photo I knew you guys & girls where going to love it... Also thanks Kari for sending this in I LOVE IT!!!! KEEP BRINGING ON THE FUNNY!!!!

Kari:
"Ok, last week at school i was eating a soft pretzel with some nacho cheese. i had not relized i had gotten some on my expensive (black) sweatshirt. well, anyways i went to do laundry and i had noticed it. i thought well it'll wash out. but when i took it out of the dryer to wear the next day i had noticed that where the nacho cheese was the day before, was bleached. so of course i went to school and told my friends about it, they thought it was so funny. and from then on we have been saying "The Cheese has Bleaching Powers!"

Weddings, new bit... beta

So when you are getting married or if you have gotten married there is one... one major justification for all the expense... "Ever since I was a little girl i've wanted... bla bla bla"

Ok that is such BS and not because women want to look beautiful or be the center of attention, I'm calling BS because if they really thought about it when they were little kids they would totally want different things...

For example: Music at the wedding
Cinderella Sound track

or drinks at the wedding
Koolad, Big C & ...

or the honeymoon ... where do you want to go on your honeymoon sweetie,
"We'll ever since I was a little girl I always wanted to go to sasame street!!"

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WOW so much in such a little amount of time

Hey Random Army,

WOW so much happened over the weekend so lets start from the top.

Geoff Brousseau a local comedian here in seattle is recording a CD next week, so if you are looking for a great time and want to laugh your ass off put, Feb 20th at 7pm at Jewelbox theater on 2nd ave downtown in the belltown neighborhood, on your calendar.

Next Lewis Black WON!!! Lewis black won best comedy album of the year... congrats Lewis we are all extremely proud and happy for you.

Finally, if any of you have read my last couple of postings then you know all the drama with giggles. I have gotten a lot of emails and love around this topic... with the most common advise being FUCK GIGGLES... first I would like to say thanks you for all your thoughts, concerns, ideas and suggestions that are all greatly appreciated....

What I found really funny is I was channel surfing this weekend and came across "Inside the Actors Studio" and Eddie Murphy was on!!! I was shocked because I mentioned him as one of the comedians who never changed... anyways during the show Eddie told a story how he had been scolded by Rodney Dangerfield early in his career about his language etc... then 5-8 years later they bump into each other, for the first time since that scolding and Rodney turning to Eddie and says "Who knew" ... basically admitting that Eddie was right and his stuff was exactly what america wanted...

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IT Retarded

Hey Random Army,

I know many of you come from different walks of life, which is great!!! I am sending this out to the random army, I need to figure out what I can do to decrease the lag with my computers... I have two computers one is a sony which I bought several years ago to deal with graphics etc and the other is a dell... I will probably need to upgrade both of them but I'm just sick and tired of the lag.

I want to do more video editing, watching dvd on them and being on second life with no lag... i already have a cable modem so it not the download speed....

I am figuring it the graphics card and ram... however I have NO idea what or how good of a graphics card or ram I need in them to do what I want to do...

So I'm calling out to you THE SUPER ARMY to help !!!!! All advise is greatly appreciated...

WHAT DO I NEED TO DO????
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The Aqua Royale Show

Hey Random Army,

I just got done with the show at The Aqua Royale on Second Life... I did this show because I hadn't ever done a show that what could be considered in the middle of a mall... like let say you went to your local mall and there in the food court some little boy band is performing...

Yah so basically this was like performing in one of those 1980's music videos ;-)

We'll I put together about an hours worth a really good material and invited a lot of people... the turn out was great.. my crowds keep getting bigger and bigger with every show. I know have the largest comedy group (the random army on sl) in all of Second Life... which make me feel good

But basically all I can say about that is my fans are amazing... you guys & girls thank you!!!!!

So the show went good, not as much interaction with the crowd as normal because people were looking around at the new place and looking in the shops while they listened.. it appears that people still liked it and were laughing so thats always a positive!!

So just give you that update... have a great weekend everyone!!!
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Reviewing LIFE.... hummmm tell me more buddha

Hey Random Army,

Ok I'm really tired this morning, pulled a 12 hour day yesterday and then headed down to the comedy club to work on a little material for Saturdays show.

I got kicked off the giggles stage again for swearing... the FCC aka Terry the owner doesn't allow people to use the word FUCK... This is only my second time getting kicked off... 2 for 2 baby!!!

I haven't determined what my feeling are about the situation, because I feel like my comic idiols would laught their heads off if they heard this... Sam Kinison, Lewis Black, Eddie Murphy... now you guys know I'm not saying I'm anywhere near those guys... but i got censored at 11:30pm on a thursday night... I believe at that hour you can even say fuck on TV... I know they didn't edit the Roast of William Shatner...

So here are my thoughts and options... One work on material that could actually be used at giggles... possible be able to use that material on a cruise ship or something.

Realize that giggles is a second rate comedy club and move on... realize that other people love to see me perform and pay me to do so... I think that what I find really funny... I cant even stay on stage 5 minutes at giggles without doing something to piss off Terry and I have other people paying me to be the headliner other places...

So maybe you guys & gals can understand better then I can.... any thoughts post a comment...

Still haven't made up my mind

Random Update

Hey Random Army,

just giving you guys & gals a quick update today.

first I will probably be at giggles tonight doing a little open mic shit getting ready for my gig on saturday which is on SL.

second, this blog is finally in the google and live.com search engines.. so have ome fun checking that out.. we are coming up pretty high for YKYW.. seriously type YKYW in.. its pretty funny

lastly I have been look at different talent agencies and my have found a couple I like.

well that it for today, i'll be doing a post later today with info on new army members.
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YKYW of the day

When the Bartender hands you your bill and you mistaken it as a Letter from: The Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
YOU KNOW YOUR WASTED

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IDEA - Last Comic Standing Second Life Reality TV Show

Hey Random Army,

Ok so here is my idea, I found that Big Brother did a reality tv show completely based in Second Life and with a Second Life winner...

So I am putting it out there that I think there should be a "Last Comic Standing" Second Life reality tv show...

First off I want your guys & gals feed back on the idea,

Second I need your help, if anyone know anyone of who to contact please let me know

Third... we'll I haven't gotten that far...

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YKYW of the day

If you start referring to red stop lights as "EVIL FLASHY COLORS"

YOU KNOW YOUR WASTED

Random Original

From Dr. Brad Awesome

Once this man came up to me and said he was a doctor so I let him feel my pulse only later that day my uncle told me that it's not normal to feel for a pulse inside someone else's rectum so I stopped feeling for my uncle's pulse

From Random Army Member; Dr. Brad Awesome

We'll if thats not random I dont know what is... hope you guys & gals like it.

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YKYW of the day

When everyone looks HOT!!!

YOU KNOW YOUR WASTED

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New Consistant Gig

Hey Random Army,

Doing better today, sorry about the vent session yesterday... so first things first because I lot happens in 12 hours of not sleeping.

One, just got an "every other week" gig on SL... it is set for Friday Nights at 9pm PST... however everything is going to be finalize this weekend and I'll keep you posted.

Second, as many of you can probably already tell I did get the "First Vidcast Episode" done last night. Which kinda sucked because I was up tell 3am anyway.. but I wanted to have things better written out and I was working on a new CD set... all new material and I got that all done!!!

I'm still waiting on itunes to get back to me and let me sell my stuff on there... if they keep falsifying there financial statements and being as quick to process stuff as the government I'm going to start referring to them as the "evil empire"

Ok that's all for this morning... I'll do another posting later in the day... if I'm really feeling the love for you guys & gals

Random
PS. Show tonight on SL at the Onyx Lounge 8:30pm SL/PST

todays highs & lows

Hey Random Army,

I am trying this blog post from my phone.. so if I get one post about grammer or spelling I'm am pre-telling you to fuck off.

so as many of you know I decided to go back to school which has been similar to trying to cram my body back inside my mother woom to be reborn... so I will just say account suck and I now know why one of my teachers committed suicide.. serious no joke.

anyways the high point of the day was reading Patton oswalds blog, ill add a like here later but go to his myspace page and read it, he got a letter from the writer of JAWS and I couldn't stop laughing.

also I'm running on about 5 hours of sleep for the last 72 hours and I have to record an entire hour + CD tonight and then figure out the vidcast shit and get up and episode... so don't count on me being really happy tomoorow either,
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